A Dance Lesson Every Day for a Month
A Dance Lesson Every Day for a Month: What Partner Dancing Teaches Us About Life
1. Smile. First impressions count.
A smile opens your countenance and makes you approachable. For an unbeatable combination, add some eye contact and an introduction. Even the worst mistakes can be forgiven for a sincere smile.
2. Take first steps first.
It is a tried and true adage that you must walk before you can run. So, too, you must learn the building blocks of the dance, or your job, or anything else, before you can become an expert. Focus on your basic steps. Style and impressive moves can come thereafter, but they cannot disguise a faulty base forever.
3. Extend yourself; You never know whom you might meet.
Ask someone to dance, or to go out for that cup of coffee. Those who agree to join you may prove to be some of the most interesting people in your life. Forsaking them for the safety of your clique risks significant lost opportunities.
4. Move.
Physical activity is essential to good health. So get out there and boogie, run, walk, crawl, jump, bike, skate, hop, march, climb, row, or…whatever. Your body will thank you. So will your spirit.
5. Connect.
Partners who do not connect cannot work together effectively. Connection requires more than merely sharing space with someone. It demands the active engagement of your entire being so that you can feel their presence, their desires and fears, and, thus, know which way to move. Connecting with others is one of the most challenging things we will undertake, and one of the most rewarding.
6. Respect your limitations.
Even the experts have their weaknesses. Know yours. Respect your boundaries and you won’t get in over your head. You’ll also know what you need to work on.
7. Respect your partner’s limitations.
Recognize that everyone can only be where they are at any given time. Don’t push too hard or you may push them away. Or hurt them. Neither of these is acceptable.
8. Respect your partner’s need to shine.
Everyone wants to feel special. Give your partner(s) the space to take the spotlight without endeavoring to overshadow them. They will love you for it. And they will want to see more of you, on the dance floor and elsewhere.
9. Respect the line of dance.
On the dance floor, traveling dances move counterclockwise, while others hold the center of the floor. Give people the right of way if that is what they seek. Road rage is disruptive, potentially dangerous, and never appreciated. This does not mean you have to conform to going the same direction as everyone else. You can boogie to that new beat in the center of the floor while allowing others to continue traveling the beaten path. By respecting it, the passing traffic just may stop to watch.
10. Be assertive.
Don’t be too passive. Don’t be too aggressive. Neither are effective characteristics for a leader or follower and both can result in harm to yourself or others.
11. Laugh.
Bad dances, like bad days, will happen. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Remembering to laugh can make a dance, or your life, a lot more bearable.
12. Drink plenty of water.
Water is life’s elixir. When you give blood, sweat, and tears to better yourself, you’d better have something with which to replenish your body and spirit. Staying hydrated will help you stay healthy. Your health is everything. Respect it.
13. Decline invitations with grace.
If you wish to decline an invitation, do so with consideration. No one likes rejection. It’s easier to take when given with a genuine explanation, for example. If you say you’re too tired to dance a song, and the person you declined sees you dancing the same song with someone else, you may, quite appropriately, be labeled callow or, more likely, an unprincipled jerk. And you will hurt feelings. Instead, decline with reason and, whenever possible, make it up to the person who extended the invitation, by asking them to dance later, for example, unless to do so will result in real psychic or physical harm to you or to that person.
14. Recognize that we all start as beginners.
If you are just starting out, it can be intimidating to watch those who are more advanced. Maybe you feel you will never be able to get there. But remember, the most venerable expert had to start somewhere too. And, if you have become an expert in your field or a star on the dance floor, remember that too. Forgetting where you started risks a particularly unattractive brand of arrogance. Today’s beginner is tomorrow’s teacher.
15. Recognize that we cannot all be superstars.
We may aspire to be the best, but achieving that status is hard to do in an imperfect world that demands much of our time and attentions. Don’t get frustrated. The best you can do will always be better than doing nothing.
16. Practice makes perfect.
If you want to get better, or become the best, it takes effort. You will find every “overnight sensation” has put in a lot of nights of hard work. If you find the endeavor worthwhile, put in the time. It will result in big pay offs.
17. Nothing is ever perfect.
Even if you practice hard, mistakes will be made. The best dance ever still can be improved upon. It’s the journey that matters, not the end result.
18. It’s okay to re-set.
If something goes wrong and you’re having a hard time recovering, don’t be afraid to pause until you can get back into the groove. Most people will understand. Swaying to the music is a good way to mark time until you pick up the beat again.
19. Listen to the music.
Art is food for the soul. It can calm you, excite you, direct you. Let it.
20. Apologize.
Sometimes toes will be stepped on. Do not underestimate the power of a well-timed apology. It can soothe tempers, mend relationships, and even salve physical pain.
21. Interact with those more advanced than yourself.
Associate yourself with those who know more than you do. They have much to teach and the best of them, true mentors, will want you to learn. Find these people. Use them as role models to inspire yourself to be more than you are.
22. Interact with those less advanced than yourself.
Mingle with those who know less than you do. Strive to be a good role model and teacher. If you can teach those with less knowledge than yourself, you will become better at whatever you endeavor to teach. By earnestly discerning the needs of those who know less than you, you will become more perceptive, flexible and patient, and, thus, both a better leader and a better follower.
23. Never underestimate the merits of good grooming.
Dress for success and dress appropriately for each event. Dance floors do not suffer street shoes lightly and courtrooms are no places for flip-flops. You can never go wrong by bathing, wearing deodorant, using breath mints, and regularly washing your hands when you will be in close contact with others. A good pair of shoes can be your best asset.
24. Find your rhythm.
Each of us is unique. Find your own sense of style. Revel in it. Use it to infuse your dance, your job, your home life with your personality. This is how true art is born.
25. Realize that you don’t need a partner to have a good time.
Find what interests you. Go to dance lessons. Get into the class rotation. Meet people in contexts that excite you. If you are all there for the same reason, you have something in common from the outset. In such a way, your dance card will always runneth over.
26. Dispense compliments, not criticism.
Never comment on someone’s technique unless you are a teacher or otherwise asked to do so, then only do so kindly and constructively. Unsolicited advice is never welcome. Why risk dousing someone’s enthusiasm when that person might otherwise go on to enrich your dance, your career, your life, especially when your observations about them may be wrong? The potential damage is too great. A sincere compliment will have far more positive results. This goes double for
self-criticism.
27. Keep an open mind.
Some dances are fast. Some dances are slow. No two will ever be the same. Endeavor to try new things (new moves, new dances, new jobs…). Variety is, after all, the spice of life. Embrace the pulse and enjoy the changing scenery. We only come to know ourselves through doing. Life, like dancing, is one big improvisation. Be flexible and open to
the possibilities. They are endless.
28. Remember that men can follow and women can lead.
Traditionally, men led and women followed. This was true on the dance floor and in the boardroom. Luckily, some things change for the better. Change with them. Don’t be afraid to take on a new role every once in awhile. You will learn a lot.
29. Know your history.
Every dance, every person has a past. Swing dancing, for instance, is inextricably linked to this country’s need for healing after the great depression and through the war years. Swing jazz provides an important track on the soundtrack of the country’s history of race relations. The person you just met may have changed the world. Learning those pasts, respecting the histories, will enrich everything you do and give purpose to your undertakings. And keep you from repeating the same mistake.
30. It’s always the leader’s fault.
With power comes responsibility. Leaders on and off the dance floor must be willing to support those whom they lead–partners, teams, children, employees. And sometimes this means taking the blame even when it’s not (really) your fault. It is the price power demands of those who wish to be gracious, noble, respectable and respected.
Traditionally, men led and women followed. This was true on the dance floor and in the boardroom. Luckily, some things change for the better. Change with them. Don’t be afraid to take on a new role every once in awhile. You will learn a lot.
31. Applaud the band.
Never forget those who help you do what you’re doing or get to where you’re going. Their talents and efforts may differ from yours, but are no less deserving of appreciation, which everyone craves. Recognition is a gift. Give it freely and the moments of those you acknowledge will also be yours.
–Christine LeBel
